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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 15, Number 4, January 24, 2010
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, wanna stop for a bite? A Michigan woman was charged with biting off part of her sister's nose. Bobbie Smith was held in the Jackson County Jail on a $5,000 bond after her arraignment on charges including mayhem and domestic violence. Napoleon Township Police Chief Michael Curry said the 27-year-old woman bit off "a significant portion" of Sandra Smith's nose during a fight. Police recovered the no-longer-attached piece, which according to photographs, was about one-third of Sandra Smith's nose. The 28-year-old woman was to meet with a plastic surgeon at University of Michigan Hospital. Mayhem, defined in part under a 1931 Michigan law as mutilating another person's nose, is a 10-year felony. What’ll happen? The nose knows… (www.axzcentral.com)
Next, from Florida (www.ocala.com), there is a chicken in Ocala with two rear-ends. Not necessarily Earth-shattering news, mind you, but it is an abnormality that has an agricultural agent puzzled and seeking answers. How is this possible? How common is it? Should the hen breed? Southwest Ocala residents Alfredo and Ana Cruz bought the Red Star chicken from a friend recently with a batch of other chickens. They raise the animals for fun, eating and sharing the egg bounty with friends and family. Weeks after the purchase, Ana said, she noticed the hen had a fuller back area, accentuated by the chicken's plume of white feathers. The couple brushed the feathers away and found two pubic regions, spaced about two inches apart horizontally. Typically, there is one such region in the center with a single orifice.
Finally, a Berman’s Bits Classic! Some years ago, psychology professor Russell Carney of Southwest Missouri State University told the Associated Press that he had developed a technique for improving memory and told the reporter how he could facilitate the recall, say, that a particular painting was done by Degas in 1865. First, he says, think of an object that sounds like "Degas" (day-GAH), for example, "dagger," and then memorize the last two digits of the year by learning the sentence "Twin new moons rose low, just clearing four pine saplings," in which the first word begins with a T and stands for "1," the second, N, stands for "2," and so on. Thus, 1865 becomes "65," which becomes "just" "low," which could translate to J-L, which could be "jelly," which would produce a "jelly dagger," to which the subject tries to find a resemblance, somewhere, in the Degas painting. Easy, eh? I don’t think so either… [Springfield News-Leader]
Real Headlines Just Begging to be Read (all true but one – guess! (Answer further down): (1) “East Boston cat called to jury duty.” (2) “Stunned border guards find illegal immigrant hiding in a SUITCASE... (3) “Man died after watching Avatar – doctor.” (4) “Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian.” (5) “Chicago man bites off cop's nipple...” (6) “Boy Robber Has Mom As Getaway Driver.” (7) “Dillinger's getaway car sells for $165,000. (8) “Dog is a mambo star.” (9) “Now even the dog can tweet.” (10) “Cops: Dog sitter killed pet during 'improvised surgery'...”
Someone posted: “My thoughts on #Haiti Devastating yes, but with all the miraculous survivals & so many ppl praising God, no one can tell me He isn't there!” Okay, but what about before the earthquake? Perhaps there are hundreds of thousands dead and so few survivors and to find a few is a miracle???? In one way, sure, but I have trouble thinking about and accepting that reasoning. Just sayin’....
What’s a politicians to do? Following the “epic,” revolutionary upset in Massachusetts, politicians are faced with a real problem. Maybe “the people” are starting to feel they matter more than corporations and are starting to do something about it. I guess politicians (written with a sneer) can’t “take care” of both, so they have a real choice to make – people or profits for the corporations.
I understand the words that follow… do you? "Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."
“Warning signs were either missed or ignored.” I suspect we’ll be hearing a lot about that in days to come. The problem is what can you do with suspicions? Do too much (even just orally), and there’s a big, fat lawsuit just waiting to be filed.
I wonder what would happen here…. A 13-year-old girl has been sentenced to 90 lashes and two months' prison in Saudi Arabia (our good friends) after she took a mobile phone to school. A court ordered the girl to be flogged in front of her classmates following an assault on the school principal, according to the Saudi daily newspaper Al-Watan. After the assault she was discovered to have concealed a mobile phone, breaking strict Saudi regulations banning the use of camera-equipped phones in girls' schools. Saudi Arabia, a leading US ally in the Middle East, is an absolute monarchy controlled by the Al-Saud ruling tribe, and lacks any legal code. http://www.dailymail.co.uk. I would guess here in my neck of the woods there are probably almost as many cell phones on students as there are students with cell phones (most of ‘em).
Kind of out of context, but in a recent interview, former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani observed, “What he [Obama] should be doing is following the right things that Bush did -one of the right things he did was treat this as a war on terror. We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We’ve had one under Obama,” Giuliani said. No domestic attacks under Bush… unless, of course, you happen to count 9/11 or failed shoe bomber Richard Reid. We gotta watch these politicians… closely and not take what they say as gospel. (Quick quiz: When it comes to politicians, who’s gonna win: Wall Street or Main Street? For the answer, just look who’s been winning [until Massachusetts]!)
Moving into the 21st Century - Until Mayor Sharon McShurley changed the protocol this year, fire stations in Muncie, Ind., had been delivering reports to department headquarters downtown by sending them to be dropped off in fire engines. McShurley ordered the department to learn how to send reports by e-mail. [Star Press]
(Reuters) – Britain's advertising watchdog has banned a radio ad featuring a man speaking loudly in German and which asked: "Is your boss a bit of a tyrant? Find your perfect boss on the UK's biggest job site ..."" Thirteen listeners complained to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), saying it used an outdated stereotype. The ASA said: "We concluded that, given the extreme reaction and aggressive tone of the German speaking boss, the ad reinforced a negative and outdated cultural stereotype of German people as overpowering and tyrannical and therefore the ad had the potential to cause serious offence to some listeners." It banned the advert for breaching rules on good taste and decency. Reed did not comment but industry body the Radio Advertising Clearance Center said it believed most listeners would regard the scenario as humorous and inoffensive. It said the boss character was a generic "German-sounding orator," which they believed was a well established type in British comedy culture (obviously drama deniers).
A dating website for "beautiful people" (already, I have formed my opinion by its description) says it has booted off 5,000 members for piling on the pounds over Christmas. BeautifulPeople.com said it acted after users posted photos of themselves celebrating Christmas and the New Year - revealing they had "let themselves go". "We responded to complaints by moving the newly chubby members back to the rating stage. This is the same as having them re-apply," said Greg Hodge, the managing director. "Their re-applications were reviewed by existing members and only a few hundred were voted back in. Over 5,000 were rejected." Most of those expelled came from the US (big surprise there) and Canada, but nearly 900 were from Britain, reports the Daily Telegraph. The social networking site, which boasts 550,000 members worldwide, allows its members to decide on who should be allowed to join. Mr Hodge said: "Every year we see that some of our members from western cultures eat and drink to excess over the holidays and clearly their looks suffer," he said. "The USA has been grossly over-indulging since Thanksgiving - it's no wonder that so many members have been expelled from the network. We hope they will be back after shedding the festive pounds. "In the UK and Canada, Christmas and the New Year are all about over-eating, over-drinking and watching TV on the sofa." (Gee, you think?) Just between us, I think most of the most beautiful people aren’t (chew on that for a while).
(The phony headline is pretty obvious this week – it’s #4 – it’s from The Onion, a satire site)
Later.
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