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It’s too bad stupidity isn’t painful.
Volume 15, Number 1, January 5, 2010
(Before beginning this week’s offering, a few personal comments are in order. First, I want to dedicate this column to my webmaster Eli Badger. Without him, I’d have to either learn to post it myself [which I know I should learn anyhow {that might be our next project}], or I might just give up and stop doing it [sometimes I get frustrated easily]. Not only that, but my computer recently died, was resurrected, and then really died again and looked like it had used the last of its nine lives [I couldn’t even get it to boot]. I was distraught! Through his considerable efforts [I was tempted to capitalize his there), He (I gave in) breathed life back into my machine, and all is once again right with the world. He and his wife (with her always upbeat support) are great friends, and computer stuff aside, we are truly blessed with them in our lives (don’t even get me started about the food). A sincere thank you to both of you for just being you! [And to think there was a time we didn’t like each other; we just didn’t really know each other].
Also, there may be a few Bits contained within that you may have seen before (there are). You see, in the recovery of the workings of my computer, I lost a couple of months of work (it could have been much worse, and I still have hopes of getting those two months back ‘Vee hef ahr vayz!’), so to save a smidgen of time [and so I don’t get a call this weekend from my webmaster {a good title, I might add – a solid synonym for taskmaster} demanding, “Where is it?”], I picked up on and added to a column I had previously started but don’t know if I ever finished and submitted [I suspect I did but there’s still plenty of new stuff included]. At least, unlike FOX News, when I recycle something and use it, I tell you! If you actually were impressed enough to read a second column after a first, maybe you will remember some of the Bits. If so, suck it up, Cupcake! It’s one week.)
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, in this business, there are no coincidences! From Ananova, a Chinese man who nursed a dying snake back to health claims it saved his family by raising the alarm when their house was on fire. Yu Feng, of Fushun, in Liaoning province, found the dying black snake outside his home. "I treated it with herbal medicines, and in 20 days it recovered," he said. He took the snake to a nearby mountain more than a mile away to release it back into the wild - but the next morning it was back at his house. "I then set it free another two times, but it always came back," Yu added. "People around me said the snake had come back to repay my kindness, so I kept it." He named the snake Long Long and adopted it as a pet - then one night, he claims it saved the whole family. Yu explained: "I was asleep when suddenly I felt something cold on my face. I opened my eyes and it was Long Long. "He had never woken me up before but I was so sleepy I went back to sleep. But Long Long grabbed my clothes with his teeth and whipped the bed with his tail. "Then he went to my mother's bed and whipped her bed with his tail. I woke up then and smelt something burning, and saw my mother's electric blanket was on fire so I leapt up and turned it off." Local reptile experts say snakes don't have the intelligence to act in this way, but Yu believes Long Long acted out of kindness, to repay Feng for saving his own life. (I mean, who am I to say such a thing isn’t possible.)
Next, the Wisconsin Department of Corrections decided last fall that it (i.e. taxpayers) should fund intricate and complicated facial reconstruction surgery for inmate Daryl Strenke, who is currently serving 30 years after pleading guilty to murdering his girlfriend. Strenke had shot himself in the face in possible remorse for the killing, severely disfiguring his mouth and jaw and making it nearly impossible for him to eat or speak normally. If you ask me, too bad, so sad. [WISN-TV]
Finally, just maybe, just maybe there is something intrinsically wrong with the rap and hip hop, “gangsta” alleged mentality. Steven Gilmore Jr., 21, was arrested down in Gainesville, Fla., after an aborted convenience store robbery in which he shot a clerk with a BB gun. Police said Gilmore confessed to the crime, explaining that he is an aspiring rap singer and felt he needed to commit a violent crime to gain some "street cred" as a thug. If he was successful, his street name could be BB! [Gainesville Sun]
You gotta love those folks from Iowa! They’re such a friendly bunch – maybe a little too much so? An Iowa City man who thought a police officer just "needed a hug" faces several charges including assault on a peace officer and public intoxication. Police said a 21-year-old man was recently arrested. According to police records, the man ran up to the officer and stuck out his arms. The officer told him to "get away," but the man didn't take the hint and embraced the officer. When the officer told the man to put his hands behind his head, he refused. He was then arrested and handcuffed. (Iowa City Press-Citizen) (By the way, on January 5, 2010, the FedEx Orange Bowl (Fox 8PM) features Iowa (10-2) vs. Georgia Tech (11-2)! I have been instructed to root for Iowa, so “Go Hawkeyes!”
On the other hand we have folks from New York who also come (undeserved?) with a reputation. Tenants of a Brooklyn building said their landlord came up with a new idea for how to kick them out: Let the smell of the cats out of the bag. Dead cats, that is. The stench from the carcasses did catch the tenants' attention — but they stayed and sued. One tenant, Daisy Terry, told a City Hall news conference it was so bad she had to hold her nose coming down the stairs. The building in Brooklyn's Bushwick neighborhood had been purchased by a new company. Terry said the landlord was using the dead cats to try to push out rent-stabilized tenants. (www.nydailynews.com)
Okay, an issue of importance – finally! There comes a time when one needs to stand up and, uh, well, take a stand! This issue shakes us to the core of what America is all about! Movie munchers watch out! A New York judge says popcorn purchasers worried about breaking a tooth on unpopped kernels should nibble carefully — or eat something else. Insurance broker Steve Kaplan says he encountered unpopped kernels while watching the movie "Superbad" at the AMC-Lincoln Square Cinema a year ago: His tooth hurt and the movie was awful (maybe the real reason for the lawsuit). Kaplan sued the theater to recover $1,250 for dental repairs. But Manhattan Civil Court Judge Matthew Cooper ruled that Kaplan could not reasonably expect every kernel to be popped. Finally, a judge with some sense! (Yahoo News)
With NASCAR not that far off (February 14th – Daytona 500), the following Bit may be just enough whet your appetite and get you ready! “Despite finishing a distant 22nd in the 2009 running of the Daytona 500, veteran driver Bobby Labonte expressed supreme satisfaction with his 73rd lap of the tri-oval. ‘There are laps and then there are laps, but that might be the best lap I've ever run,’ said a visibly moved Labonte, who compared the lap to his beloved 118th at the 2007 Sharpie 500 and his much-ballyhooed third at the 2004 Tropicana 400. ‘In a million years I never even imagined I could run a lap like that, and I doubt I'll ever run one like that again. I can't get over the fact that it came after that disgraceful 72nd—a lap that made me honestly think the sport had passed me by. It just all came together; the racing line, the car, the draft, everything. Just amazing.’ When informed the lap ran him two seconds above his average time, Labonte shook his head and said, ‘You just don't get it.’ (If you are wondering, that last paragraph was satire! Check out www.theonion.com for some of the best satire anywhere. Also, if you didn’t know, NASCAR stands for: “Non Athletic Sport Created by Alcohol and Rednecks.” More satire… maybe?)
This week’s quotes come with an agenda. These are in reference to Banned Books Week (every fall), and it is more important than ever to keep up the good fight! For one person not to like or appreciate a piece of literature and try to remove it from the hands of others is un-American, if you ask me (which, of course, you didn’t). I’d say a re-reading of the First Amendment is in order here: “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” Okay, you got me; that’s the Second Amendment. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. The real First Amendment (with emphasis added by yours truly): “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” Surprised? That’s it – the whole thing - really. Time for the quotes: (1) "All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution of the United States -- and to hell with the censors! Give me knowledge or give me death!” Kurt Vonnegut. (2) "Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage." Winston Churchill. (3) " If your library is not 'unsafe', it probably isn't doing its job." John Berry (of course, maybe in making a library ‘safe’ a principal thinks he is doing his). (4) "If librarianship is the connecting of people to ideas – and I believe that is the truest definition of what we do – it is crucial to remember that we must keep and make available, not just good ideas and noble ideas, but bad ideas, silly ideas, and yes, even dangerous or wicked ideas." Graceanne A. Decandido. You know, I had a momentary disagreement with that last part, but I gotta practice what I preach because who is to decide what’s ‘dangerous’ or ‘wicked’? (5) "If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed." Benjamin Franklin. Bonus (just because): "If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not me." Larry Flynt. (Of course, if anyone saw me naked, that might negate that last one.)
Finally, from Reuters, the world's fastest train hit just its first speed bump in the form of a noncompliant smoker less than a week after it began running in southern China. A cigarette triggered an alarm that forced a two-and-a-half hour stoppage, nearly as long as the train takes to cover the 684 mile distance between Guangzhou, capital of Guangdong province, and the central city of Wuhan. Managers of the bullet train, which debuted last week, were unable to catch the smoker who fled the scene before the alarm sounded (probably a good thing given what might have happened to him had he been caught). "Smoking is strictly forbidden on the Wuhan-Guangzhou high-speed train, even in the toilet," a spokesman with the Guangzhou Railway Group Corporation was quoted as saying. "It could trigger the alarm and even cause equipment failures." I guess it could as that’s seemingly what happened. Sigh.
Later.
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