Volume 13, Number 9, March 2, 2008

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, from the Wall Street Journal, "We sleep with the snakes (meaning cobras), we eat with the snakes, we live with the snakes (but) we are not scared," said a 14-year-old girl in a village near Calcutta, India. Said one village leader, "Whenever I lie down in my bed, a cobra will just slide on top of me, without hurting me." In fact, more than 3,000 cobras live in one hamlet, mostly in peace, with few bite victims (though a cobra bite is often fatal because villagers initially trust the gods and spirit doctors to treat them [kind of like the American political system]). Cobras are so revered in the village that cobra bites are usually described as attacks by vipers or by "nonresident" cobras, based on a belief that local cobras are incapable of evil. (My money’s on the cobras – remember the foreshadowing in the old song: “Hey, little cobra, don’tcha know you’re gonna shut ‘em down!”)

Next, let’s hope it’s amicable! The divorce of Anton Popazov and his wife, Nataliya, is about to happen, but the couple is still contractually committed to the Moscow State Circus, where their act includes Nataliya's shooting an apple off of Anton's head with a crossbow (yeah, let’s definitely hope it’s friendly). The Times of London (where this Bit appeared) asked Anton during a show in Sheffield, England, whether he was afraid. "I still trust her because Nataliya is very professional," he said. "(T)he show must go on."

Finally, in Chappaqua, N.Y., (where they must have money) the owner of the Via Genova water bar told WCBS-TV this past summer that she offers 80 different bottled waters from around the world, with the most popular at $30 and "Bling H2O" priced at $55, but hopes business picks up (gee, I wonder why): "There are so many people that are uneducated about water." (Yeah, but the ones who are probably aren’t customers.)

Starting young (can you say precocious? I knew you could)! From Ananova, a five-year-old Czech boy stole his parents' car and drove it for a mile before crashing into a wall. Miroslav Novak took the keys to his parents' car in the middle of the night, got in, started it up, reversed out of the drive and then took off for a joy ride. He managed to drive the car for a mile around his home town of Mimon before crashing into the front wall of a house. He was found hiding behind a tree in a nearby park by police who were called out by his worried parents when they woke up to find him and the car missing. He had reportedly put two cushions on the driver's seat so he could see out of the window of the automatic car. Police said that he was too young to be prosecuted, but a spokeswoman said: "We have asked social services to investigate and find out how it is that a five year-old boy knows how to drive a car." (At least it wasn’t a DWI.)

I can see the ACLU getting ready for this one should it ever come to the US (I mean, it could spell the end of rap and gangsta music [not that that would be a bad thing]). The Italian supreme court has outlawed men from touching their, uh, private parts, in public. Crotch-grabbing is an ancient superstitious habit in Italy that is believed to ward off the evil eye. It's traditional for men to do it if passed by a hearse or when discussing serious illness or disasters (kinda like knocking on wood?). However, the supreme court ruled that a 42-year-old man from Como had broken the law by "ostentatiously touching his genitals through his clothing". His lawyers said he had a "compulsive, involuntary movement" because of uncomfortable overalls. But the court ruled his behavior was an "act contrary to public decency" and said the law "required everyone to abstain from conduct that is potentially offensive to collectively held feelings of decorum". The man was fined £1520 and ordered to pay £760 in costs, reports the Daily Telegraph. Judges pointed out that if men needed to grab their crotches, they should wait until they were in the privacy of their own home.

No walking in the rain for this couple…. Seems an Australian teenager can't go swimming, soak in a bath or even enjoy a shower because she's allergic to water. Ashleigh Morris, 19, is even allergic to her own sweat which brings her out in a rash, reports the Daily Mail. Ashleigh, from Melbourne, Australia, has been allergic to water after an aggravating dose of penicillin when she was 14. The media student became one of a handful in the world to develop incurable Aquagenic Urticaria. Now she always keeps umbrellas handy, sleeps with a sheet between her boyfriend Adam to avoid sweat and stays in for hours after showers to let her rash calm. But Ashleigh still enjoys life: "I picked myself up, kept going," she said. (Ananova)

Ever hear of the Hollywood ending (or do I smell movie here?) The Palmerton (Penn.) Area School District owns a ball field in the town, and rejected a $1.1 million offer for the parcel for commercial development. Smelling profit, the district asked for other offers on the park. When the deadline came, there was only one bid. It was hand written, in pencil: Andrew Sabo, a kindergartner at Towamensing Elementary School, offered the district $5 for his favorite baseball field. Why? "Because they were selling the field," the 5-year-old said, adding his dad even gave him the $5. Here comes the good part: the school district says it will reject the offer; it wants at least $2 million. (Allentown Morning Call). Nope; no Hollywood ending here.

The Star-Ledger carried the following Bit of interest! Twenty-nine eighth graders at a Hunterdon County school received two days of detention after they paid for their $2 lunches with pennies, officials said. The 8th graders at Readington Middle School were protesting having only 30 minutes for lunch each day (starting March 10th, I move to 25 minutes, so what are they complaining about?). They received detentions for slowing the cafeteria line and disrespecting lunch aides, who had to count the 5,800 copper-plated coins, said the school’s superintendent. There were approximately 200 students inconvenienced in the cafeteria during the protest lunch period. The detentions called for spending an hour of silence in a classroom after school. "Most reasonable people understand that the school needed to respond to this," he said. The super said school officials would work to harness the organizational power and desire of the students and channel it towards something that could impact the greater good (like Truth, Justice, and the American Way).

Finally, a few quotes (some new, some old): (1) “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein. (2) “A word to the wise ain't necessary; it's the stupid ones who need the advice.” Bill Cosby. (3) “Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.” John Stuart Mill. (Ouch!) (4) “The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.” Malcolm Forbes. (5) “It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.” Sam Levenson. Bonus: “Then there's politics. Just imagine politics with its dumbbell element subtracted. There would be no Republican candidates. There would be no Democratic voters. The whole system would collapse.” P. J. O’Rourke.

Later.