Volume 13, Number 8, February 24, 2008

(Nota bene: a couple of this week’s Bits came in without attribution. I am running them anyway; I just thought you might like to know).

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, a Japanese man was arrested for trespassing this week after he showed up at a high school dressed in a girl's uniform and a long wig. Thirty-nine-year-old Tetsunori Nanpei told police he had bought the uniform over the Internet and put it on to take a leisurely walk near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo, according to the daily Asahi Shimbun. When students standing started to scream at the sight of him, he panicked and ran inside the school grounds, hoping to blend in with the crowds of teenagers. More students started to yell, which forced the man to take flight losing his wig in the process. A school clerk pursued him and stopped him at a nearby riverbank. Police confirmed the arrest of the man in the school uniform and wig but declined to give further details, which is probably okay as I think I’ve heard enough.

Next, my Shopping Tip of the Week. Quick - Bergdorf Goodman in New York City revealed that it was offering showings of the Guerlain cosmetic house's "KissKiss Gold and Diamonds" lipstick, which retails for $62,000 (housed in an 18-karat gold tube containing 2.2 carats of diamonds). [New York Post]

Finally, Stupid Pills! One Amy Mueller filed a lawsuit recently against Samy's Bar and Grill in Joliet, Ill., after she readily tried to climb onto the bar to dance back in in May 2006, but she ended up falling and breaking her ankle. Samy's should have had a "ladder" or other climbing aid, said Mueller's lawyer. [Chicago Tribune]

Ananova carried the following Bit, which we might do well to consider here in the US. Polish taxmen are offering Poles the chance to pay their tax bills in blood. Every donation to the local blood banks will allow Poles to write £30 off their tax bill. Donors have to get a certificate from the hospital for every litre donated that can then be sent to the taxman and written off against their final tax demand. Regular donor Dariusz Gryka, from the north-eastern town of Bialystok, said: "I learnt about it from an accountant friend and started to give blood last year. I have only done it three times, but already it has been worth it."

Giving new meaning to the term “just hanging around,” a man allegedly trying to steal goods from a store in Durban, South Africa, almost got away. "He had been trying to climb over the fence and both his feet had been impaled" on fence spikes, said the paramedic who eventually rescued him. "During the course of the evening he had managed to free one foot," but no one had sympathy for the alleged thief: they let him hang there, upside down. "According to bystanders," Evans said, "he had been hanging on the fence for nearly 12 hours." One passerby gave the man a cigarette, but "no one was kind enough to offer him a light." When Evans arrived, the unlit cig was still hanging from his mouth. [KwaZulu-Natal Mercury]

It’s not just here (US). A full third of 11-year-old British students don't know to use capital letters at the start of sentences nor periods at the end of sentences, a skill they should have mastered by age 6. Analysis of national curriculum tests found that 21 percent failed the English test, which was further broken down to 33 percent failing the writing portion, and 17 percent failing in reading. [London Daily Mail]

Well, last week’s “Laws” proved to be quite popular. Just yesterday, a comment poured in. Anyhow, here are some more, carefully selected by yours truly for your consideration and edification. (1) Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. (2) Laocoön's Law of Improbable Generosity: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, but do check for Greek solders elsewhere in its anatomy. (3) Filson's Law: "Push" is the force usually exerted upon the door marked PULL. (4) Telly's Truism: Not all heads are perfect-some have hair on them. (5) Shalit's Law: The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of the movie. Bonus: Greene's Rule: The best thing to hold onto in this world is each other.

Ranking up there with the folks who see Jesus or the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast or on a rock, one believer tragically lost her life after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. "She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him."I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen." [No cited source].

Finally, Elmo, say it isn’t true! From TBO.com comes a chilling Bit that reminds me of a movie I once saw. A Lithia family says a cuddly, programmable Elmo doll revealed its dark side yesterday after fresh batteries were installed. Instead of singing songs or reciting the favorite color of its 2-year-old owner, James Bowman, the doll started making death threats, the family says. With a squeeze of its fuzzy belly, the Sesame Street character now says, in a sing-song voice, "Kill James." "It's not something that really you would think would ever come out of a toy," said Melissa Bowman, James' mother. "But once I heard, I was just kind of distraught." The Elmo Knows Your Name doll, which connects to a computer to learn certain phases and names, recently ran out of battery power, Bowman said. About an hour after she put new ones in, "I noticed exactly what it was saying," Bowman said. "And my son was repeating exactly what it was saying." Bowman said Elmo is James' favorite character. James even has Elmo slippers, but the malfunctioning, death-threat-spouting Elmo Knows Your Name doll is now being kept away from her son, Bowman said. "This is his absolute favorite toy," she said. "So we've been going through a lot of hassle because he's trying to climb up the counter and up the closets to get it." Fisher-Price, the toy company that manufactures the dolls, said it will issue the Bowmans a voucher for a replacement doll. The company said it will examine James' model for the source of the problem and check whether other Elmos are experiencing the same malfunction.

Later.