Volume 13, Number 19, May11, 2008

(As regular readers know, I sometimes include some personal comments before the actual column begins. I won’t be doing that anymore [for the most part] as many of those comments have a new outlet and will now show up in a new blog I recently started. Check it out at: http://jpdave.blogspot.com/ and feel free to join the crowds and leave a comment - already one has poured in! The first couple of entries were to just get my feet wet, but recent offering seems to be more enjoyable and come close what a blog should be [and are reminiscent of the old Berman’s Bits from years ago, if you know what I mean]. Please take a look and see what’s happening.)

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, you have some nerve! Trial lawyer Gary Baise billed himself as the "lower taxes, limited government ... less spending" candidate for chairman of the Fairfax County (Va.) Board of Supervisors, but late last year a Washington Post (source) investigation revealed that he had collected nearly $300,000 in federal subsidies between 1995 and 2005 on an already profitable farm he owns in Illinois. At first, he appeared livid with himself: "There's no way you can justify this for guys like me. This is what's wrong with government." Nonetheless, he said, he'll continue to take the subsidies.

Next, a lawyer’s lawyer (I say that like it’s a good thing). Oregon public defender Ethan Levi agreed to represent Eric Kincaid, 29, who had been identified by DNA as the man (in a miniskirt, wig and fishnet stockings) who one night last year had hidden in the closet of a woman he did not know before running off. Kincaid denied that he meant the woman any hurt, maintaining that he had been invited by a mysterious second woman, whom he also did not know, to, uh, party but had realized after seeing the first woman that he was in the wrong apartment, and he left. Last month, Levi convinced the jury to accept Kincaid's explanation and acquit him of all charges. [The Oregonian]

Finally, from Ananova, Russian police are investigating after pupils stripped off, climbed walls or lay on the floor laughing after their school dinners were spiked with drugs. The teenagers - aged 13 to 15 - were given ecstasy in their soup and drinks at their school in the city of Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk in eastern Russia. Teachers said it was as if the school had turned into "a lunatic asylum" after lunch (sounds like any school). Doctors called in said the pupils were showing signs of intoxication and prosecutors later found traces of ecstasy. Tatyana Kutuzov, spokeswoman for the Sakhalin prosecutor's office, said: "An investigation is underway after our experts established that the water contained traces of opiates and amphetamines, which are known components of the drug ecstasy.

Terrye Cheathem (probably not connected with the firm of Dewey, Cheathem, and Howe), a criminal defense lawyer and adviser to the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, has come up with a line of greeting cards for a Hallmark-ignored demographic: the recently incarcerated. Among her selections are cards reading "Sorry to hear about your arrest," and "Honestly, I never knew anyone who was arrested before," and, simply, "Not You!" A remorseful correspondent could choose: "I know that I have not visited you. But I still care about you ... When are you getting out, anyway?" Card sales are slow, according to a Los Angeles Times (source) story, and Cheathem acknowledges that people might prefer to ignore their connections to criminals… Gee, you think?

Happy Mothers Day! It's a happy Mother's Day for an Arkansas woman who is pregnant with her 18th child. Michelle Duggar, 41, is due on New Year's Day; the latest addition will join seven sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins. "We've had three in January, three in December. Those two months are a busy time for us," she said, laughing. The Duggars' oldest child, Josh, is 20, and the youngest, Jennifer, is nine months old. The fast-growing family lives in Tontitown in northwest Arkansas in a 7,000-square-foot home. All the children — whose names start with the letter J — are home-schooled. Duggar has been been pregnant for more than 11 years of her life, and the family is in the process of filming another series for Discovery Health. The new show looks at life inside the Duggar home, where chores — or "jurisdictions" — are assigned to each child. One episode of the new show involves a "jurisdiction swap," where the boys do chores traditionally assigned to the girls, and vice versa, Duggar said. "The girls swapped jurisdictions, changing tires, working in the garages, mowing the grass," she said. "The boys got to cook supper from start to finish, clean the bathrooms," among other chores. Duggar said she's six weeks along and the pregnancy is going well. She and her husband, Jim Bob Duggar, said they'll keep having children as long as God wills it. "The success in a family is first off, a love for God, and secondly, treating each other like you want to be treated," Jim Bob Duggar said. "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen." The other Duggar children, in between Joshua and Jennifer, are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; and Johannah, 2. (Presented as presented from Sify News)

Looking for something to do? Three men say they drove to 48 states in less than five days, completing their journey in the Four Corners area of southeastern Utah. The Four Corners destination allowed them to quickly hit four states — Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. The men arrived there Thursday around 6:30 p.m., after driving for 106 hours and 43 minutes. They started in Vermont on Sunday. Josh Keeler, Adam Gatherum and Joey Stocking rode 7,000 miles in a 2005 Toyota Scion. They say their longest stop was 15 minutes for gas and a bathroom break. They spent more than $1,000 on gas. You can read their blog at: http://www.greatamericanroadtrip.us/

From MyWay.com, the lawsuit to end all law suits. A New York woman has filed a $100 claim against Norwalk saying a family outing to the Maritime Aquarium was ruined by dog feces. The woman claims her child's shoes, along with the entire outing, were ruined when her 1-year-old stepped in dog feces outside the Maritime Garage. City attorney M. Jeffry Spahr said the official response is that her claim is denied and in his words, "poop happens." Kelly DeBrocky, of Mahopac, N.Y., wants the city to reimburse her for $54 she spent replacing her toddler's ruined shoes and the expenses for parking and aquarium admission last month.

Finally, a few of the best quotes ever: (1) “Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.” Unknown. (2) From The Simpsons: “This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie ‘The Never Ending Story.’” (3) “You have brains in your head, You have shoes on your feet. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you want. You are the guy to decide where to go.” Dr. Seuss. (4) “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child raising, they are now unemployed.” Erma Bombeck. (5) “To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” George W. Bush. (6) “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.” Robert Orben.

Later.