Volume 13, Number 17, April 27, 2008

(As regular readers know, I sometimes include some personal comments before the actual column begins. I won’t be doing that anymore [for the most part] as many of those comments have a new outlet and will now show up in a new blog I recently started. Check it out at: http://jpdave.blogspot.com/ and feel free to join the crowds and leave a comment - already one has poured in! The first couple of entries were to just get my feet wet, but recent offering seems to be more enjoyable and come close what a blog should be [and are reminiscent of the old Berman’s Bits from years ago, if you know what I mean]. Please take a look and see what’s happening.)

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, shades of Dracula! Two German air force sergeants were suspended a few months ago after being caught in a side business selling sausages based on an old family recipe requiring human blood. Their first batches were made with their own, but as they began mass-producing, they had allegedly asked their colleagues because, according to directions from one of the men's grandmothers, all blood must be "fresh." "Do not use too many breadcrumbs," she had written, "but if the blood starts to curdle, stir in a teaspoon of wine vinegar." (It’s good they aren’t making blood pudding as well!) [London’s Daily Telegraph]

Next, the letter of the law. The Washington Post reported that the D.C. Department of Corrections fired three jailers after finding that they had locked up Virginia Grace Soto, 47, in the men's detention unit following her arrest, despite her protests and despite a formal strip search and despite observing her in the shower. Their reasoning: a paperwork error listed Soto as a male, and they could not change that. They showed good initiative and common sense, I do say! They’ll probably be promoted!

Finally, from Ananova, presented as presented: a Polish town has invited John Cleese to judge a special silly walks competition put together in his honor. The Monty Python comedian is enjoying new found fame in the country as the star of a new advert on Polish TV for local bank BZ WBK. It features him trying to persuade the bank to let him open an account - and claiming that though he has no Polish address his aunt came from the town of Pcim. Cleese has already agreed to promote the town of Pcim by letting it use his image on billboards, and now the town's mayor has invited him to a summer festival and invited him to judge a silly walks competition. Daniel Obajtek, Pcim mayor, said: "We have asked him to come and are waiting for his reply. We have set up billboards with Cleese's picture on the roads into the village and we plan to make this a huge event." The mayor had originally been angry when he saw the advert on TV and said: "Thanks to Cleese everyone wants to laugh at our town and nobody wants to hear about our achievements. The name of our town is coming out of the mouth of someone who has made a joke of everything, his whole life." But he was reportedly persuaded to change his opinion after an advertising agency said the town could benefit from linking itself with the comedy star.

Given the current level of consumer confidence, the following Bit makes great sense…NOT! Also from Ananova, Burger King has announced plans to serve up the world’s most expensive cheeseburger – costing a staggering £85 ($168.84USD). The pricey treat will be made from finest Japanese Kobe beef and topped with foie gras and a rare blue cheese. It will be available in specially selected branches next month, with Kensington and Chelsea tipped to be selling the pricey burger first. One writer said: “The idea of a burger that no one buys is not as ludicrous as it seems. Burger King will use it to promote a gap in perception between it and McDonald’s. It could lead consumers to reassess the quality of the brand.” Rival McDonald’s offers a budget cheeseburger for just 99p ($1.97USD).

As the Ever-lovely Miss Kim would say, “It’s such a kitty thing to do.” From The Modesto Bee, Modesto police are blaming a scratching cat for an accident that toppled a power pole and shut down a street for nearly an hour. A police sergeant said that a woman was driving with a cat in her lap. The animal scratched her, and she drove into the pole. The woman suffered minor injuries and was taken to a hospital. The cat was taken to a vet to treat an injured eye. In response, the Assembly Appropriations Committee approved a bill by Assemblyman Bill Maze that would make it illegal to drive with a pet in your arms or in your lap.

Something else Miss Kim would say is, “It’s all fun and games until…” well, I am sure you know the rest. From NewTimes.com, A Monroe woman is suing her husband because, she says, he threw a carrot at her during an argument, poking out her left eye. In the lawsuit, filed in Bridgeport Superior Court. Pamela Vecsey says the injury from by the carrot caused a permanent loss of vision in her eye. "This was a very unfortunate accident. Mrs. Vecsey has been permanently injured and we hope this suit can be resolved amicably," said Joel Faxon, the lawyer representing Vecsey (yeah, right – I wonder what that really means in lawyerspeak). According to court documents, Vecsey and her husband, 48-year-old Roderick Vecsey, were arguing on July 14, 2006, in their Woods Row home when Roderick Vecsey threw a carrot at his wife from about 20 feet away, striking her in the left eye. Faxon said the carrot ruptured his client's eyeball. As a result, he said, the eye was removed and his client now has a glass eye in its place. The lawsuit claims the woman's injury was the result of the "carelessness and negligence" of her husband. Roderick Vecsey was arrested and charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct. The charges against him were later dropped after his wife refused to cooperate with her husband's prosecution, contending the incident had been an accident. Roderick Vecsey's lawyer, Michael Meehan, said the criminal case is over and refused to comment on the lawsuit.

From Reuters a thief broke into the headquarters of Austria's ruling political party by wriggling through a mail flap in the front door, a party official said. The burglar squeezed through the 35x35cm hole (just under 14”x14”) and stole laptops, mobile phones, notebooks and cash before crawling back out, Catherina Straub, spokeswoman for the Social Democrats, said. "It is such a tiny door for post and newspapers, he must have obviously been extremely small," she said, adding that the culprit had not been caught. She said it was unlikely the robbery was politically motivated and that the data stolen was not sensitive.

Finally, a few classic, thematically connected quotes for your perusal and consideration: (1) “Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.” Richard Armour. (2) “We'd all like to vote for the best man (or woman), but he's never a candidate.” Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard. (3) “Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right.”  H.L. Mencken. (4) “Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” Plato. (5) “George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles.”  Author Unknown. Bonus: (6) “Mankind will never see an end of trouble until... lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power... become lovers of wisdom.” Plato, The Republic.

Later.