Volume 13, Number 15, April 13, 2008

(As regular readers know, I sometimes include some personal comments before the actual column begins. I won’t be doing that anymore [for the most part] as many of those comments have a new outlet and will now show up in a new blog I recently started. Check it out at: http://jpdave.blogspot.com/ and feel free to join the crowds and leave a comment - already one has poured in! The first couple of entries were to just get my feet wet, but recent offering seems to be more enjoyable and come close what a blog should be [and are reminiscent of the old Berman’s Bits from years ago, if you know what I mean]. Please take a look and see what’s happening.)

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. First, shades of the old Florida college jokes (you have to be an old timer to remember Underwater Basket Weaving and the like). From Reuters, late last year, the government of Singapore, anxious about the city's declining birth rate, began offering its high school polytechnic students formal courses on how to flirt. Said Isabel, 18: "My teacher said if a guy looks into my eyes for more than five seconds, it could mean that he is attracted to me, and I stand a chance.” The course includes "love song analysis" and how to chat online. (Maybe the government ought to look at caning and other punishment issues and wonder if that has anything to do with things.)

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! Late last year, well-known California cardiologist Maurice Buchbinder had his privileges revoked at Scripps Memorial Hospital in La Jolla after he allegedly had a physical altercation with an unruly angioplasty patient during and immediately after the procedure. Buchbinder was so irritated by the patient's combativeness that he even (according to witnesses) laid on a pair of what could be described as "Three Stooges" moves: bopping the patient in the head with the tip of his elbow and twisting the patient's nose until it turned "bluish." [San Diego Union Tribune]

Finally, no wonder the world’s going south (or there are stupid people everywhere). From Ananova, a Dutch student has provoked an international incident by launching on YouTube a clip of him exposing his, uh, no-longer-not-so-private part right in front of the Taj Mahal. The director of his school, the Euro College in Rotterdam, has formally apologized to the Indian Ambassador to Holland. The school is also considering legal action against the student for damaging their proud reputation. After the young man, uh, showed himself off, the camera pans around to show the famous backdrop. The student was suspended immediately when teachers found out.

Beans, beans may be good for more than the heart. An Essex man has lost about 140 pounds in nine months - by eating six cans of baked beans a day. Neil King, 40, has munched his way through more than half a ton of beans in that time, reports the Daily Mirror. The mechanic serves them up for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and his weight has fallen like autumn leaves. But the dad of four claims downing more than 1,500 cans of beans has not given him wind (such a veddy, veddy propah British phrasing)…at least not since he stopped eating them on toast. Neil, from Halstead, Essex, said: "When people first heard I think they were scared to light a match nearby but I think my body has just got used to it. Beans on white bread had me trumping non-stop so I gave that up and I haven't looked back. Some people think I'm mad but I love the taste…." Neil used to eat a pack of biscuits for breakfast, two Mars bars for a mid-morning snack and a full English breakfast for lunch. He would then snack on two packets of crisps and have a roast dinner for tea. After that he would down up to eight pints of lager in the pub and grab a kebab on the way home. He decided to diet after doctors told him he risked bowel cancer, which killed his mother. Wife Cheryl said: "He's like a new man.”

Anyone old enough to remember the aforementioned Underwater Basket Weaving courses probably remembers the purple mimeographed sheets schools used to use. The first thing any student did when receiving one was put it up to the old schnozzola and inhale deeply. Today, some things aren’t much different. An eight-year-old student was suspended from Harris Park Elementary School for three days (later reduced to one day) after he used a black Sharpie marker to color a small area on the sleeve of his sweatshirt and a teacher sent him to the principal when she noticed him smelling the marker and his clothing. The principal stands by his decision to suspend Harris, saying it sends a clear message about substance abuse. "This is really, really, seriously dangerous," the principal said. In his letter suspending the child, he wrote that smelling the marker fumes could cause the boy to "become intoxicated," but a toxicologist with the Rocky Mountain Poison Control Center says that claim is nearly impossible. Despite the medical evidence, the principal took firm action, he said, "We've purged every permanent marker there is in this building," he said. (I wonder if that’s why I can’t have coffee in my classroom….)

WCVB-TV’s online site carried a Bit about another student and some hijinks. A Cape Cod school was evacuated after an 8-year-old student brought a hand grenade to school for show-and-tell. The boy, who attends the Ezra Baker School in Dennis, told his teacher that he had the grenade in his backpack. The teacher notified the school's principal, who called police. About 400 students from pre-K through third grade were evacuated as a precaution. Officials said that the boy had a World War II grenade. Upon arrival of emergency personnel, it was discovered that the grenade was inert - the explosive charge and detonator were removed and a hole was cut in its bottom. Instead of banning all hand grenades, Students were sent home with a letter to parents reminding them to check their children's backpacks before they go to school.

Finally, from My Way News, where our gas money may be going. Dubai's crown prince paid $2.7 million for a camel during a desert festival celebrating Bedouin traditions in the emirate of Abu Dhabi, state-run media said. The festival also included a camel beauty contest, where thousands of owners strutted their animals in a bid for the top prize of finest overall camel and separate categories related to the age and color of the camels, in which features such as best neck, head, lips, nose, hump, legs or feet, are judged. Sheik Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum, the son of Dubai's ruler, Sheik Mohammed, bought 16 camels for $4.5 million, including one female camel for $2.7 million, the state news agency WAM reported. The price tag was unprecedented but it was not clear if it was an official record.

Later.