Volume 13, Number 10, March 9, 2008

(As regular readers know, I sometimes include some personal comments before the actual column begins. I won’t be doing that anymore [for the most part] as many of those comments have a new outlet and will now show up in a new blog I just started. You may check it out at: http://jpdave.blogspot.com, hope that’s the right link]. The first couple of entries were to just get my feet wet, but today’s offering seems to be more what a blog should be. Please take a look and see what’s happening and how I feel about it.)

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, from Seattle’s KOMO Radio, a 25-year-old woman was put under arrest for assault in Washington state after major hostilities broke out with her boyfriend in the shower over whether the man's dog could join them (uh, dogs are great, but I think there may be limits). The woman objected and told him that should that happen, it would be a deal-breaker for their relationship, to which the boyfriend replied that he hoped his next girlfriend would appreciate the dog more. At that (them’s fightin’ words), police said she lost it and punched him several times in the face; in their struggle, he dislocated his shoulder. Nice way to handle disagreements, I do say.

Next, why we have appeals courts. Until a Florida appeals court made its ruling, Mark O'Hara, 45, had been locked away in prison for two years of a 25-year mandatory-minimum for trafficking in hydrocodone; the guilty finding was based exclusively on the 58 tablets found in his possession back in 2004, even though his supply had been lawfully prescribed by a physician. The state attorney in Tampa had pointed out that Florida law did not mention a "prescription" defense to trafficking, and even though O'Hara had lined up a doctor and a pharmacist to testify, the jury wasn't even allowed to consider the issue. After the appeals court called the case "absurd" and ordered a new trial with the prescription evidence allowed, the state attorney still refused to drop the case. [Dickens was right! St. Petersburg Times]

Finally, from Ananova, Two US fashion designers have been attracting a lot of hot air over their new collections - made entirely out of balloons. Katie Laibstain, 23, and Steven Jones, 39, create outfits from bikinis to party dresses out of nothing but modeling balloons twisted together. Their exhibitions have been the talking point of the Kim Tom clown festival fashion show in Shanghai, China, where they are currently being shown. Even though each dress can be worn only once, they have sold some of their more elaborate designs for as much as £1,000 (my research staff is on strike for more money, so there’s no currency conversion available this week). The clothes can consist of up to 300 modeling balloons. Most of the balloons are 60 ins. long and either one or two inches thick. Katie, of Richmond, Virginia, said: "Balloon clothes are ultra chic. They are the finest couture available. My dresses contain 300 or more balloons, depending on the design. "They may not always be easy to get into, but there are so many creative ways to take them off - pop, pop, pop!" Uh, anyone for a new game I just thought of: “Pin poker”?

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. 

This next Bit really shows the effects of No Child Left Behind (don’t we wish)! This Bit appeared in The Guardian. Lawyers in Brazil were shocked to find that a boy aged eight has managed to pass the entrance exam to law school (you don’t say….). The Bar Association said the achievement of Joao Victor Portellinha should be taken as a warning about the low standards of some of Brazil's law schools. "If this is confirmed, the Education Ministry should immediately intervene ... to investigate the circumstances of this case," said the bar association's president. Joao Victor is still in fifth grade, two levels ahead of normal for his age, but his mother says he is no genius. "He is a regular boy," she told the newspaper. "He is very dedicated, likes to read and study, but he has fun and makes friends." The Universidade Paulista, a multi-campus private university, said yesterday that the boy would not be enrolling any time soon: he still has to graduate from high school. Still, the school said the "student's performance, considering his age and level of education, was good, especially in the essay test, which revealed his good capacity to express himself and handle the language." "My dream is to be a federal judge," the boy said. So I decided to take the test to see how I would do ... it was easy. I studied a week before the test." Brazil requires every student to take an entrance exam before being admitted to college. Each university administers its own test, and the exams from private institutions are usually considered to be easier than those of public universities, which are free and attract many more candidates. University officials said they could not release figures on the number of people who pass and fail the law school entrance exam (yeah, we might find out that this boy is, in fact, a late bloomer).

The thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

On the other hand, we have our students right here in the U.S. who are shining examples of the future we can expect. Milford (CT) officials have expelled a Jonathan Law High School student who was accused of lighting her science teacher's hair on fire during class. Police say the girl was arrested after she ignited the ponytail of her teacher with a lighter. A police spokesman says the man did not require medical attention, but his hair was certainly singed (rhymes with ‘hinged’ not ‘whinged’. School officials called police at the time (that’s a surprise – I always thought there are no bad students, only bad teachers) and the girl has been charged with reckless endangerment, third-degree assault and breach of the peace. I wonder if she’s headed to law school….

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

Time for a few more “Laws.” (1) Keith's Observation: “The squeaky wheel doesn't always get greased; it often gets replaced.” (or do you want to be on the “hit list’ which doesn’t exist – yeah, right) (2) Harding's Happy Homily:”It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.” (3) Beifeld's Principle: “The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of (a) a date, (b) his wife, and (c) a better-looking and richer male friend.” (4) Samuel's Maxim: “If you think the world is against you-it doesn't necessarily mean that it isn't.” (5) Big George's Observation: “The beauty of most women is inversely proportional to the distance of the observer.” (Berman’s Corollary: “Except at closing time”). Bonus: Pickett's Postulate: “The person who snores the loudest will fall asleep first.”

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Later.