Berman’s Bits

Volume 12, Number 48, December 23, 2007

(Before starting this week’s offering, a few random thoughts for your consideration. This is the season where we all try to be nice to each other for at least a few weeks – at least it seems that way (although I really do try to be nice to virtually everyone all of the time [with varying degrees of success]. Our winter here in New Hampshire, thus far, has been like the old days with snow banks six and more feet tall. As winter has just officially started, we have 2.5 – 3 feet of snow already. As usual, we are late shopping for the holidays, and my yearly letter to family and friends isn’t written yet. As in the past couple of years, our gifts to others consist mostly of gift cards. Seriously, I really believe people can get just what they want without having to return something they already have or really don’t want. The good news is that I am on vacation for a bit over a week – life is good… sometimes. The bad news is that I have issues with the world... sometimes. As a result, I am planning a Thumbs Down of the Week feature in the near future … watch for it.

Anyhow, as I “talk” to you here, for the most part, I really don’t know who you are [I can see the country you are from, but….]. Feel free to let me know via e-mail who regularly reads this offering bermbits@roadrunner.com. Tell me something out of the ordinary about yourself, and I’ll include the most interesting of the interesting in future columns.

That said, whatever you celebrate, have a wonderful holiday season and a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year!)

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, do people really know anything about political candidates? I don’t think so – consider the following Bit from the St. Petersburg Times: Mayor Lino Donato of Poteet, Texas (pop. 3,500), recently said that he would stay put in office despite his powerlessness to set foot in city hall (that should make him an effective mayor). That building is less than 1,000 feet from a youth recreation center and therefore is off-limits to Donato, who was adjudicated a sex offender one month earlier.

Next… you thought products from China were bad? Atlanta’s WSB-TV carried a Bit earlier this year about one Joe Heckel and his son who, for some inexplicable reason took apart the weighty punching bag Joe had bought for their boxing practice and to their surprise found it full of, not sand or plastic pellets, but men's and women's underwear (some used – eeeuww!). According to the station’s report, the manufacturer, Technical Knockout Inc., eventually did get in touch with the Heckels and admitted that it had experienced a "quality" problem and that the people who had thought up the bag-stuffing idea had been fired (but, the big question is where are they working now?)

Finally, with times getting tougher, more and more people are turning to crime, but…. From Ananova, it seems border crossing crooks (illegal aliens?) were responsible after an entire beach including beach huts, sun loungers and sand was stolen. Surrounded by land, Hungary has no beaches of its own and ton of sand had been shipped in to make the riverside at Mindszentas as near to the real thing as possible. But managers who closed up the leisure park for the winter have found that 6,000 cubic meters of sand as well as playground rides, the huts, and even the wooden shops had been stolen. Head of the local council Etelka Repas said: "It is crazy - I would have thought it was impossible to steal an entire beach. It was cleaned up and covered for the winter and then suddenly this week we saw that it had totally disappeared - beach and all." It has probably been shipped over the border now without any checks being made where it will be easier to get rid of," Repas said. Police are investigating (Be on the lookout for sand….).

Stupid Pills time (even though they aren’t mentioned in the Bit). A man who stuck his arm into the tiger enclosure at a zoo in northeast India bled to death after two big cats tore off his limb as his family and dozens of visitors watched, a zoo official said. The man, identified as 50-year-old Jayaprakash Bezbaruah, avoided zoo safety precautions in an apparent attempt to photograph the two adult Bengal tigers up close, said Gauhati zoo warden Narayan Mahanta. "The man ignored warnings from keepers, crossed the first barrier and stretched his hand into the enclosure that housed a male and a female tiger," he said. "The animals grabbed his limb and tore it apart at the shoulder." Bezbaruah, who had been visiting the zoo with his wife and two children, was rushed to a local hospital but died of blood loss, said Mahanta. "I have never encountered such a bizarre incident in my 11 years as a wildlife official…." Mahanta said. (“I have,” Berman said.)

More Stupid Pills! From WFTV.com (presented as presented), a 10-year old Ocala girl brought her lunch to school and a small kitchen knife to cut it. She now faces a felony charge after being arrested. The school and the sheriff's office disagree on the reason for the arrest. School officials say the 5th grader was brown-bagging it. She brought a piece of steak for her lunch, but she also brought a steak knife. That's when deputies were called. It happened in the cafeteria at Sunrise Elementary School. The 10-year-old used the knife to cut the meat. "She did not use it inappropriately. She did not threaten anyone with it. She didn't pull it out and brandish it. Nothing of that nature," explained Marion County School Spokesman Kevin Christian. But a couple of teachers took the utensil and called the sheriff. When deputies arrived, they were unable to get the child's parents on the phone, so they arrested her and took her to the county's juvenile assessment center. "And we didn't handcuff her or treat her like a criminal. But, we took her to the assessment center to be assessed," said Capt. James Pogue, Marion County Sheriff's Office. School officials said it doesn't matter what the knife was being used for. They said they had no choice. "Anytime there's a weapon on campus, yes, we have to report it and we aggressively report it because we don't want to take any chances, regardless," Christian said. But the sheriff's office said the extreme measures in what some may say was a harmless incident had to do with school policy, not theirs. "But once we're notified, we have to take some type of action," Pogue explained. The student now faces a felony charge for the possession of a weapon on school property and the principal suspended her for ten days. The parents of the girl could not be reached for comment. The sheriff's office has turned the case over to the State Attorney's Office. That’s really No Child Left behind… or is it no Stupidity Left behind?

Yet more Stupid Pills! Thomas Montgomery, 48, of Buffalo, N.Y., posed online as an 18-year-old in attempts to get dates with younger women. After finally catching an 18-year-old girl on his hook, Montgomery, actually the father of two teen girls, was trying to reel her in when an online rival, Brian Barrett, 22, got in the way -- so Montgomery shot Barret to death. But Montgomery, a married church deacon, never got his rendezvous: not only has he been sentenced to 20 years in prison for the killing, the 18-year-old girl turned out to be Mary Sheiler, a 50-year-old woman from West Virginia who used her daughter's photo in her online profile. That Bit is from the Buffalo News.

Finally, a collection of miscellaneous “stuff” regarding Christmas and, uh, well, read for yourself. (1) “Pooh in Santa’s Sack – Only $19.99.” (2) “Young Marines make tasty Christmas treats.” (3) “Christmas is Wednesday December 28.” (4) 6 Foot Tree of Lights – Reg. $49.99 – save 20 %. LIGHTS NOT INCLUDED.” (5) “ARTIFICIAL CHRISTMAS TREE – For Sale. Like New. Needs stand, ornaments, lights, and branches,” Sigh.

So, Happy Hanukah (a bit late), Habari Gani, Merry Christmas, and, for those who don’t celebrate anything, Have a Great Day!

Later.