Volume 12, Number 46, December 9, 2007

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, you look mah-velous… and sooo young! Some style- and environment-conscious Canadian mothers are insisting on cloth diapers, especially designer labels of flannel, fleece or wool-knit, according to a November account in Toronto's Globe and Mail. Handmade embroidered diapers (perhaps in tie-dye or camouflage) are priced at up to $80 each (and some babies get to wear them only just after taking care of business in an ordinary diaper). Of course, I don’t see the diapers as disposable at that price, but they again, when some people have all kinds of money….

Next, what was that famous line from that Monty Python: “Bring back your dead! Bring back your dead!” One political party active in the recent elections in India's Uttar Pradesh state represents the interests of "dead" people. Lal Bihari, 48, works on behalf of an estimated 40,000 living people who have been victims of relatives having declared them legally dead, usually in order to inherit their property, and once the government accepts such a declaration, the legal system in India is too slow, crowded and corrupt to bring that person back to "life." Bihari himself "officially" died in 1976, and despite several schemes (such as kidnapping a cousin in order to be arrested and thus proven to be living), he remained "dead" until his proof of life was accepted in 2004. (Everyone’s a specialist!)

Finally, this guy opened more than doors. (“Hhhi, Hhharry Hhhanover hhhere!”) A Manhattan doorman has been suspended for having bad breath. Jonah Seeman, who has been ushering tenants into and out of a four-building complex on East 89th Street for 40 years, was told not to come to work recently because of halitosis. Seeman said he has stopped eating garlic, uses mouthwash and takes breath mints on the job. The Brooklyn resident, who supports his 81-year-old mother, has been suspended twice before for bad breath - one day in May and then again in July. Apartment dwellers at the Gracie Gardens complex expressed surprise over Seeman's suspension and came to his defense. "His job, which he does well, is opening the door - not to be opening his mouth," said one man. Officials with Cooper Square Realty, the management company that oversees the property, did not return calls seeking comment. But the company sent the doorman a letter last month stating: "We can no longer tolerate the fact that you have severe breath odor while on duty." The union that represents Seeman, Local 32BJ of the Service Employees International Union, has filed a grievance in the case. (AP)

This was REALLY not kosher. A grocery store in Manhattan came up with a BIG food no-no, advertising hams as "Delicious for Chanukah." Chanukah, one of many alternate spelling for Hanukkah, is the eight-day Jewish holiday that began last week, and hams as well as pork and other products from pigs can't be eaten under Jewish dietary laws. A woman who saw the mistake over the weekend at the Balducci's store on 14th Street took pictures of the signs and posted them on her blog. Jennifer Barton, director of marketing, told The Associated Press that the signs were changed as soon as the error was noted. She issued an apology on the company Web site, saying the company would be reviewing its employee training. (MyWay)

Oops! One of those good news, bad news stories from the AP. Oops. A student driver in Houston passed his test, then crashed the car into the Texas Department of Public Safety building. DPS spokesman Tom Vinger said nobody was hurt and Monday's accident is under investigation. Vinger said the man was parking the car when the vehicle went over the curb and hit a wall of the brick building, causing a slight hole. Vinger says the driving examiner was not in the car. The name of the driver wasn't immediately released.

Oops! # 2. U.S. homeowners who could face crippling mortgage payments will have a hard time getting help if they call a telephone number President George W. Bush recommended this past week -- he gave out the wrong number. "I have a message for every homeowner worried about rising mortgage payments: The best you can do for your family is to call 1-800-995-HOPE," Bush said after a White House meeting with administration officials and lenders on a new plan to help. Unfortunately he was a couple digits off; it is actually 1-888-995-HOPE (4673). That gets you through to the Homeownership Preservation Foundation, a nonprofit group which offers free housing counseling for homeowners. Moments after Bush completed his remarks, a White House aide told reporters the president misspoke and gave the correct number. Calls to the wrong number Bush gave out were met with a busy signal. A search on the Internet showed it belongs to the Freedom Christian Academy which offers religious-based curriculum for home schooling and is located in Ponder, Texas.

Liquid Stupid Pills at work! Deborah Thompson, 54, admitted she had been drinking from a bottle of whiskey and was just "being silly" when she decided to stand on the railroad tracks in Marysville, Calif., and try to stop an oncoming train (hel-looo). "She thought she could move faster than the train," said police Sgt. Phil Spadini. She couldn't: the engineer saw her and hit the brakes, but Thompson was hit and thrown 20-30 feet. She survived, but was flown to a regional hospital in critical condition. [Marysville Appeal-Democrat.]

With all of the latest newests and money thrown at education, the following Bit doesn’t surprise me. A full third of 11-year-old British students don't know to use capital letters at the start of sentences nor periods at the end of sentences, a skill they should have mastered at age six. Analysis of national curriculum tests found that 21 percent failed the English test, which was further broken down to 33 percent failing the writing portion, and 17 percent failing in reading. (London Daily Mail)

Finally, a few uplifting quotes for your consideration. (1) “I love mankind - it's people I can't stand.” Charles M. Schulz. (2) “I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.” W. Somerset Maugham. (3) “Life is one long process of getting tired.”  Samuel Butler. (4) “0I see it all perfectly:  there are two possibilities, one can either do this or do that.  My honest opinion and friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it, you will regret both.” Kierkegaard. (5) “Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.” Horace Walpole. (6) Finally, “America is a melting pot; the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top.” Charlie King. Sigh.

Later.