Volume 12, Number 41, November 4, 2007

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, does the concept of “Get a life” mean anything? From Australia’s Sunshine Coast Daily, an Australian named Les Stewart has earned what the Web site Oddee.com calls the "third most bizarre" of all Guinness Book world records (makes me wonder what the first two are). Stewart has typed out the written numbers "one" through "one million," over a period of 16 years and seven months from 1983 to 1998. He said he typed for 20 minutes at the beginning of every waking hour during that time because he "wanted something to do.” “It just came naturally to me." He used up seven manual typewriters, 1000 ink ribbons, and ended him up with19,890 pages. In all fairness (and making me ashamed of my Get a Life comment, he started his marathon task as therapy following an accident and serious illness since he was no longer able to work. Anyhow, congrats, Les, on your record.

Next, Jerusalem's Church of the Holy Sepulcher was in the news a few years ago because of continued petty territorial fighting among the six Christian denominations that share management of the church, which is home to some of Christianity's holiest sites, including that of Christ's resurrection. As Easter approached this year, three of the groups that control one 10-stall restroom could not agree how to divide responsibility for repairing it, leading to a pervasive stench in the building. Furthermore, the path of the outflow sewage pipe (which needed enlarging) passes under property of a fourth denomination, which has resisted helping unless it is granted control of one of the 10 stalls. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could just be Christians first and worry about the sects later? (Sounds like good advice for the Iraqis as well – be Iraqis first and maybe work toward a common goal [like letting us bring our troops home]. (From London’s Daily Telegraph)

Finally, didn’t someone once say that no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American people? Ananova reports in a Bit that manufacturers are hoping their range of cuddly toy versions of microbes including gonorrhea and syphilis will be a hit for Christmas. US company Giant Microbes has turned microscopic images of viruses and bugs, which also include malaria and mad cow disease, into soft toys. Other viruses to cuddle up to include salmonella, ebola, acne, rabies, black death and the good old influenza virus (uh, what are these guys thinking?). Each 5-to-7 inch doll is accompanied by an image of the real microbe it represents, as well as information about the microbe. They were intended as learning tools for children but have proved popular with adults looking for amusing gifts for partners and friends. The sales blurb about the Ebola toy says: "Since its discovery in 1976 Ebola has become the T Rex of microbes. Share the love." And, of the algae toy, it says: "Anyone for a pool party? Theses guys are always ready to show up. Learn who you're swimming with before you dive in." The toys are on sale from £4 for one or £20 for a set (that’s just over $8 to over $40).

The AP carried a Bit, which sounds something like we’re see on one of TV’s judge shows, except this judge was removed from the bench. "Unless our citizens can trust that judges will fairly resolve the disputes brought before our courts, and treat all litigants with dignity, our courts will lose the public's respect and confidence upon which our legal system depends," Justice Barbara Milano Keenan wrote. According to the court, Judge James Shull admitted tossing a coin to determine which parent would have visitation with a child on Christmas. Shull said he was trying to encourage the parents to decide the issue themselves but later acknowledged that he was wrong. That was bad, but worse might have been the pants-dropping incidents, which the court said, "were even more egregious." The court said they occurred when a woman was seeking a protective order against a partner who she said had stabbed her in the leg. Shull knew the woman had a history of mental problems and insisted on seeing the wound, the court said. The woman dropped her pants once to display the wound, then dropped them a second time after Shull left the bench for a closer look to determine whether the woman had received stitches. A court bailiff testified before the commission that after the hearing, he asked Shull, "Did you see what that lady had on?" According to the bailiff, Shull replied: "Yeah, a black lacy thing ... it looked good, didn't it?" Shull denied making the comment. The justices could have merely censured Shull, but they noted that he had appeared before the Judicial Inquiry and Review Commission in 2004 for allegedly calling a teenager a "mama's boy" and a "wuss" and advising a woman to marry her abusive boyfriend. That complaint was dismissed with an admonition to Shull to chalk it up as a learning experience. (There go de judge; there go de judge….)

Quote of the week: “Be Nice to America or We'll Bring Democracy to Your Country!

Phoenix Arizona’s KPHO.com tells us (pretty much presented here intact) that debate is brewing over a foot-long, talking Jesus doll that Wal-Mart has put up for sale at more than 400 of its stores in at least 20 states. It's the first time the world's largest retailer has carried a full line of religious toys (you mean we don’t worship PlayStation, etc.?). The battery-powered, button-activated doll is able to recite a handful of different bible verses and the story of Jesus feeding the multitudes with five loaves and two fish. It also comes with a booklet giving parents tips on how to shape a child's faith. Not everyone is lining up to shell out $14.97 for the made-in-China plaything. "You can learn it at Sunday School," said shopper Angie Librizzi. "It doesn't have to be a doll." Other shoppers said it trivializes religion. They also believe children will handle the Jesus doll much like they do with secular mass-merchandised action-figures, which they don't feel is appropriate. But Mark Linongello, who goes to Catholic Church, said anything telling kids about Christianity is good. "As a doll, at least they're getting to know Him," Linongello said. The figure is one of several biblical dolls made by Valencia, Calif.-based Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co. and its one2believe unit. The owner of the company said he started making the doll because he was troubled by a lack of morals and ethics in toys. He turned to the Internet two years ago and began selling his line directly to church groups. Retail experts said it's unclear how big a seller the Jesus doll will turn out to be (and isn’t that what it’s really all about?).

As I run a low budget operation here, I don’t hire a staff to check everything out. As a result, what follows may or not be true. These are laws allegedly still on the books throughout Florida: (1) It is considered an offense to shower naked. (2) You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. (3) If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. (4) You may not pass gas in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays. (5) Having intimate relations with a porcupine is illegal (I think that one has its own built-in punishment). (6) A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.

Finally, from Ohio’s Middletown Journal, a Bit about attracting the wrong kind of attention. Police recovered a stolen truck that they just couldn't help but notice. Officers pulled the truck over because a back wheel was on fire, then recognized the driver from previous meetings. Police said they knew Richard Waters, 43, shouldn't have been driving the vehicle, and arrested him and charged him with receiving stolen property. The vehicle turned out to be a stolen city vehicle. Officials said Waters apparently left the emergency brake on when he drove off, and heat from that caused the tire to catch fire. Sigh.

Later.