Volume 12, Number 23, June 17, 2007

     (Before beginning this week’s column, I send along wishes of a happy Father’s Day to you and yours. In the words of Wilhelm Busch, “To become a father is not hard; to be a father is, however." There is an entire column in those few words [and then some], but for now, let my basic sentiment suffice.)     

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, the Globe & Mail reported on one 51-year-old man, who police said was so intoxicated that he could barely speak when stopped for DUI and who even had difficulty standing. Unfortunately, he beat the charge in Provincial Court in Sudbury, Ontario, when he convinced the judge that there was a "legal necessity" for driving under the influence: He had just attempted suicide and thus was forced to rush himself to the nearest hospital in order to get psychiatric care to head off another attempt.      

The Washington Post carried the following Bit from Washington. University of California, Irvine, professor Elizabeth Loftus, a prominent scholar on people's overconfidence about memory, was turned down by the judge as an expert witness before the recent trial of "Scooter" Libby (Vice President Cheney's former assistant, who has been charged with lying to prosecutors about phone conversations, which Libby says weren't lies but just forgetfulness). At a hearing on Loftus' credentials, prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald not only uncovered some issues with her research but elicited from Loftus the confident assertion that the two had never before met. However, Fitzgerald then immediately refreshed Loftus' memory, reminding her that he had cross-examined her in court once before. Oops!         

Finally, IMHO, one of the lowest acts one can perform (other than against people or animals) is trashing a graveyard. One such loser knocked down tombstones in Merrillville, Ind., causing more than $8,000 in damage. Michael David Schreiber, 22, was arrested and faces charges of criminal trespassing, criminal mischief and public intoxication. Police are reasonably sure Schreiber is the one responsible for the defilement: he was found trapped under one of the toppled tombstones, the 1,000-pound slab pinning him to the ground. (Northwest Indiana Times)     

From King5.com, say it isn’t so! The City of Seattle may legally prohibit employees from making microwave popcorn. A memo from the Fleets and Facilities Department addressed to "Employees at Civic Center Buildings" says there have been several evacuations in recent years due smoke alarms being tripped by burning popcorn. The memo states that in the past three years, there have been eight evacuations at the Justice Center, which includes jail cells and courtrooms, because of burnt popcorn.  That's more than 400 people evacuated each time. The memo says that if the problem continues, there will be a microwave popcorn ban in downtown City buildings. Each evacuation shuts down the buildings for 30 – 40 minutes. The memo also gives employees valuable tips on how to prevent the problem, such as following the package instructions and staying by the microwave to know when the popcorn is done.     

The Boston Globe carried a bizarre Bit that goes back some thirty years. It was 30 years ago that a dispute over New Hampshire license plates made national news. On April 20, 1977, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that car owners could refuse to display state mottoes they find objectionable on their license plates. The case landed in the court after George and Maxine Maynard of Claremont were arrested for taping over the "Live Free or Die" motto on their plates. The Maynards argued the motto violated their religious beliefs. The state Supreme Court ruled against the Maynards, but the U.S. Supreme Court sided with them. Another federal judge then ordered the state to pay the Maynards' $21,000 in legal fees, which set up a bizarre confrontation. When the state hesitated paying, then-U.S. Marshal Robert Raiche went to a state liquor store in Hooksett with a warrant and demanded the manager hand over the money from his cash drawers. Raiche backed off when the state promised to pay, and payment was approved two weeks later.     

Time for a few great classic quotes that have been around but are worth another look: (1) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'" Dave Barry. (2)  "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan." A. Whitney Brown. (3) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" Richard Jeni. (4) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." Author Unknown. (5) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress… But I repeat myself." Mark Twain. (6) “Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English?” Many people are asking.   

From Ananova it’s not just here. A student caussed a terror alert in Bulgaria after he 'borrowed' a walkie-talkie set from his secret agent father to cheat in exams. Georghe Dimitrov, 21, made the mistake of using the tiny device in the middle of a top security alert when government agents were out in force for President Bush's visit. The agents working undercover with similar devices suddenly found their lines blocked as a stream of technical data flooded into their earpieces. The source of the calls was quickly traced and armed cops together with US agents stormed Sofia's Medical University. They went from class to class until they found the cheating student copying down the data sent by a friend in the school toilets (how he got in the toilets, I’ll never know). The cheat had been sitting an exam in physiology but ended up being dragged from the school in handcuffs and was then locked up for 24 hours while police investigated how he came to have the device. He was released when they accepted he was not part of a terrorist cell trying to block communications. Dimitrov has been charged with using a radio frequency without a license. Oh, yes, he was also told he had failed his exam.     Finally, also from Ananova, the value of education. An elderly Indian farmer who vowed not to marry until he passed his school exams has just failed them for the 38th time. Shiv Charan Yadav, 73, of Kohari, Rajasthan, has been flunking his exams since 1969. This year, he scored 103 marks out of a possible 600 in the exam, which is aimed at 15-year-olds. Yadav, now revising for his 39th attempt, said: "Once I pass I want to get married to a girl who's under 30."    

Later.