Volume 12, Number 20, May 20, 2007

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, from Reuters, I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Religiously stringent Saudi Arabia is not allowed to have traditional Western-style beauty contests, but there was a recent pageant in remote Guwei'iya, about 75 miles from Riyadh: a beauty contest for camels. More than 250 owners brought more than 1,500 camels to be judged by such standards, said one organizer, as "the nose should be long and droop down" and "the ears should stand back, and the neck should be long" and "the hump should be high, but slightly to the back." Prizes included more than 70 SUVs. Hey, we have dog shows, horse shows cat shows, so why not camel shows? (BTW, SUVs as prizes? Don’t they know about oil prices???)

     Next, would you keep your job wherever it is you work? Some months ago, the Omaha World Herald reported that even though Wal-Mart is criticized for supposedly treating its employees badly, a woman named Kellie Guderian doesn’t necessarily agree. Late last year, she and her husband won Iowa's $200 million Powerball lottery, but she cheerfully said she was keeping her job at Wal-Mart. Her husband said, "(She) loves her job, and the people she works with are like family." (I understand – there was a time I used to feel that way.)

     Finally, so that’s why I’ve changed. People who have known me for a long time have seen a significant change in me. Without going into details, I and other men, it is reported (in a Bit on Ananova), have become too concerned about political correctness to comfortably give a compliment to the opposite sex.  Not helping the situation is that 65% of women suspect there is nothing innocent behind a flattering remark from a work colleague or new acquaintance. While 89% of women loved to be given a compliment, 67% felt ill at ease if it came from anybody other than their partner. Some 12% said no one had paid them a compliment in the past three months, one poll for found. Christine Webber, a relationship expert, said: "While it may seem somewhat frivolous, a compliment is in fact a vital ingredient for well-being. The trick though is to be able to pay someone a compliment and make them feel good about themselves, rather than coming over as smarmy or, worse, a bit lecherous."

     From www.poststar.com, a most boring story to me; I am not at all surprised by it. A teenager who put bullets in a vise and whacked them with a hammer to empty the brass shell casings was wounded in the abdomen by the last of 100 bullest he hit. Damion M. Mosher, 18, had been discharging .223-caliber rounds, placing them in a steel vise, putting a screwdriver on the primer, and striking the screwdriver with the hammer, deputies said. Deputies were called to his home in Lake Luzerne when one bullet went about a half-inch into his abdomen. He was treated at Glens Falls Hospital and was released. No charges were filed. Mosher told authorities he was trying to empty the rounds to collect the brass casings for scrap. Sheriff Larry Cleveland said about 100 other rounds that Mosher hit had "fizzled," but one was somehow sent out with more force.

     Yahoo News carried a recent Bit that caught my attention. Wisconsinites love their deep-fried, uh, stuff – they have deep-fried cheese curds, candy bars and Twinkies. They now also have deep-fried livestock testicles. More than 300 people recently paid $5 for all-you-can-eat goat, lamb and bull testicles at the ninth annual Testicle Festival at Mama's Place Bar and Grill in Elderon in central Wisconsin (I would have paid not to attend). "Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Hoffman said. Festival founder Nancy Fenske said the festival grew out of her late husband Roger's “unusual” birthday party 12 years ago. The event grew every year and now they fry up to 100 pounds of testicles, she said. "What else can you do in a small town?" Fenske said (I think she meant that question for people who can’t read, walk, watch movies, etc). "After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," one man said. (Wasn’t there a song that said something about all the food looks tastier at closing time?)

     The British National Lottery revealed the 10 strangest requests for grants to raise awareness of the type of good cause it supports. "Applicants will only get funding for projects that benefit the wider community," said Carole Souter, who chairs the Lottery Forum, a group made up of the chief executives of the bodies that award grants. Here are the top 10 strangest requests for money (although not all are really that strange): 1) To respray a Ford Cortina. 2) Double-glaze a private house. 3) Buy a pub. 4) Publish evidence to prove Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton wrong. 5) Set up a dinosaur farm. 6) Fund dog toilets. 7) Set up an insect museum. 8) Pay off a filmmaker's debts. 9) Make over a garden. 10) Build a replica of the Starship Enterprise.

     My friend Joanne sent along some “lines” designated to make us smile. Here are the ones that for one reason or another worked for me (as I write this – tomorrow may be another list): (1) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. (2) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. (3) God must love stupid people; He made so many. (4) The gene pool could use a little chlorine. (5) Being "over the hill" is still much better than being under it! (6) A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. (7) The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

     Finally, from the Ann Arbor News, a Bit to which I can relate. English teacher Denice Kovanda gave her students at Fillmore Central High School in Geneva, Neb., an assignment: create a travel brochure for a place they'd like to visit. Michael Sattler, 16, got a grade of zero on his. "I asked what was so wrong with it," Sattler said. "She said I used the word Hell in every part of it. It was all about Hell, Hell, Hell." But, Sattler argued, his brochure wasn't for the afterlife, but rather Hell, Michigan. Sattler's parents support the boy, and sent a copy to the unofficial mayor of Hell, John Colone. "It was good," he said. "It had all the right information on it. The layout was great. It had good pictures. It was creative." Colone sent the boy a box full of Hell merchandise to share with his classmates and a "Grumpier Than Hell" coffee mug for Kovanda, but principal Jim Rose intercepted the box and says he'll send it back unopened. (And who thought common sense wasn’t dead?) Sigh.

     Later.