Berman’s Bits

Volume 12, Number 2, January 14, 2007

     (I held off sending this in as I had to see how the New England Patriots fared against a tough San Diego Chargers. It wasn’t pretty, but New England squeaked by 24-21 and now goes on to face Indiana next week. Go Pats!)

     Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, from the Press-Register newspaper, that’s what friends are for. According to police, Dan G. was charged with assault in the shooting of David B. (not me – another David B.). The men were at a friend's home when a squabble broke out over the height of the late James Brown, the "Godfather of Soul." Things intensified and culminated with D.G., 70, shooting D.B., 62, twice in the stomach. The vic went to his car, brought back a gun and took a shot at his alleged assailant but missed, then went to the police station. The other man also went to the station and told police he had shot the first. The good (yet surprising) news is that officers did not believe alcohol was a factor in the argument (no, just petty stupidity).

     Next, the word from the BBC is to just walk it off; you’ll be okay. The US Army is stretched thinner than you can imagine. Letters urging former soldiers to return to the Army were recently sent to more than 5,100 Army officers listed as recently having left, but unfortunately this figure included about 75 officers killed in action and about 200 wounded in action. "Army personnel officials are contacting those officers' families now to personally apologies for erroneously sending the letters," the Army said. It said the database normally used for such correspondence with former officers had been "thoroughly reviewed" to remove the names of dead and wounded soldiers. (Apologies to Monty Python: Re-up your dead; re-up your dead.)
    
      Finally, as an old science fiction reader, the following comes as no surprise to me, but I can imagine the firestorm should this all come to pass. Eventually, according to the Financial Times, robots will have to be given legal rights (and accept certain responsibilities) if advances in artificial intelligence (AI) continue to create sensitive quasi-organisms, according to a paper solicited for Sir David King, the UK's chief scientist. According to one AI researcher, "If (robots are) granted full rights, states will be obligated to provide full social benefits to them including income support, housing and possibly robo-healthcare to fix the machines over time." On the positive side, a Financial Times report on the paper noted that robots might also have to pay taxes and be available for military service. That last one sounds good to me. (Where does AI end and real people begin?) I wonder if as a Justice of the Peace, I will someday be asked to perform ceremonies involving robots???

     Sleep easy, my friends – we’re in good hands. From the Minot Daily News, this past summer, three protesters dressed in clown suits broke a lock at a supposedly secure North Dakota missile facility and attacked the top of the underground housing that holds a live Minuteman III missile by beating it with hammers and painting anti-nuclear slogans on it. They were arrested within minutes, but publicly, the government seemed unalarmed that the trio had broken in so easily. I’m not….

     From The Sun, maybe airport security has its up-side. Airport detectors located a 13-inch blade surgeons left inside a 49-year-old man’s stomach. Following his tumor operation, the man suffered inexplicable pains. While I often grouse about ridiculous lawsuits, this time I feel it was necessary and right. The man won just over $104,000 in a well-deserved victory (ten times that might be appropriate). Regarding the doctors, the man’s lawyer said: “It was the equivalent of missing a truck parked on your front lawn.”

     Yahoo News carried a Bit reminiscent of my early days – some things never change.   A man who tried to keep bees off his property accidentally set fire to his house instead, causing at least $500 damage. Franklyn Pigott Jr. set his home ablaze while attempting to annihilate a nest of bees that had been created outside the home. When Pigott, 38, mixed a product called Real Kill Indoor Fogger with WD-40, it became a "flame-thrower" and melted the home's vinyl siding, according to a police incident report. Hey, it can always be worse.

     From WFTV in Florida, Winning isn’t everything… it’s the only thing. A central Florida Catholic school employed two brothers with previous arrest records for cocaine trafficking, rape, kidnapping, burglary, assault, battery, peering into windows and stalking. One was having video taped intimate encounters with one of the students. It was all revealed when another student complained that she was being sexually harassed by one of the brothers who even hid in the family bushes at night trying to peer into their windows. Why would a school hire such men? Because they were both winning coaches! Please, keep your priorities straight. State law requires schools to do background checks. It isn't clear whether Orlando Christian Prep ignored what they learned about the brothers or decided to skip the checks because winning is everything.

     A girls' school in Japan is refusing entry to students who are not experts with chopsticks. Entrants must be able to transfer marbles, beads and beans from one plate to another by using chopsticks. According to the Hisatagakuen Sasebo Girls' High School in south Japan, the way a person handles chopsticks reflects their lifestyle habits. The rules apply to all 15 or 16-year-old candidates wishing to attend the school, reports Metro. (You mean there are schools that don’t take everyone? What’s the world coming to?)

     From CBS, police in San Marcos, Texas, say they arrested a pair of Bulgarian natives with more than $18,000 in quarters after managers at the Englebrook Apartments reported a burglary in the laundry room. Inside a nearby van, police say they found $18,700 in quarters (about 989 pounds of loose change), along with various apartment guides from Texas, Arkansas, North Carolina and Louisiana. Two Bulgarian natives are charged with burglary of a coin-operated machine, engaging in organized criminal activity and possession of criminal instrument. Police are looking for a third man. (I called him a two-bit crook, and he hit me with a bag of quarters!)

     Finally, from IndyStar.com -- a teenager charged with driving 142 mph along a four-lane divided highway said he was speeding home so his parents wouldn't be mad at him for being late, according to police. The driver, 16, faces speeding and misdemeanor reckless driving charges and could have his license suspended, police said. Porter County sheriff's deputies stopped the boy along a rural stretch of U.S. 30 after a radar gun clocked his 2004 Subaru Impreza going almost 90 mph faster than the posted 55-mph limit, police said. It might be the fastest speed ever recorded on the northwestern Indiana county's roads. Deputy John Brubaker didn't arrest the teen, who had a valid Colorado license, but told him to drive straight home and call him within an hour. The boy's mother called instead, and Brubaker told her what happened. I hope he suffered some pain.

     Later.