Volume 12, Number 19, May 13, 2007

    Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, a sad story but not for the reasons you may think. Reuters carried a Bit about the decomposed corpse of a German man was that found alone in his bed after missing for nearly seven years. The police said that the man was 59 and unemployed at the time of his death. He most likely died of natural causes on November 30, 2000, the date he received a letter from the Welfare Office found in the apartment. Next to the dead man's bed police found cigarettes, an open television guide and Deutschemark coins, which came out of circulation after the euro was introduced in 2002. The man's apartment was in a building with offices and apartments, many of which are now empty. "No one missed him. No missing person report was ever filed," the police said. The really sad part? Everyone should be missed by someone.

     Next, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em… but not in the movies. From Yahoo News, smoking may now be hazardous to… movies and their ratings. The film industry assemblage that rates U.S. movies in terms of their suitability for children brought out new rules affecting tobacco use in films that would stop children from seeing movies that glorified lighting up on-screen (I am assuming sex and violence are still okay). The Motion Picture Association of America, or MPAA, said that in the past, illegal teen smoking has been just one factor in rating films, alongside other parental concerns such as sex, violence and adult language. But now just the act of smoking will be considered as a factor and depictions that glamorize smoking, or movies that feature pervasive smoking, may receive ratings that do not allow children into theaters to see them (oooh, the toughness). The only exceptions (gotta have exceptions, you know) to that rule are films where the smoking is historically important like "Good Night, and Good Luck," which depicted the life of chain-smoking journalist Edward R. Murrow (if you’re important, it’s okay to smoke, I guess). That film was rated PG, meaning that parents could take older children to see it.

     From the mainstream media, a convicted murderer put to death in Tennessee got his last meal wish after he died (but it didn’t come from the State). Philip Workman had turned down the usual last meal of his choice conventionally offered the condemned, asking instead that a vegetarian pizza be given to a homeless person. Prison officials refused and Workman died by lethal injection. But news accounts of his request struck a nerve with the public. Nashville's Union Rescue Mission received 170 pizzas. Media reports said listeners to a radio station in Minnesota also ordered pizzas sent to another organization for troubled youngsters. Dorinda Carter, spokesperson for the Tennessee Department of Correction, said, "Taxes are to be spent on specific things for the care of the inmates." But she acknowledged there was no regulation against carrying out Workman's request.

          Maybe there really is no hope for peace. Jerusalem's Church of the Holy Sepulcher (or Sepulchre) has made news in the past because of continued trivial territorial fighting among the six Christian denominations that share management of the church, which is home to some of Christianity's holiest sites, including that of Christ's resurrection. As Easter approached this year, three of the groups that control one 10-stall restroom could not agree how to divide responsibility for repairing it, ultimately leading to an all-encompassing, uh, stomach-turning odor that filled the building. Additionally, the path of the outflow sewage pipe (which needed enlarging) passes under property of a fourth denomination, which has resisted helping unless it is granted control of one of the 10 stalls. (London’s Daily Telegraph).

     As it is getting harder and harder for many of us to make ends meet, people find creative ways to cope. Not long ago, the Boston Herald carried the following Bit about a man who certainly knows his way around the system. Using the name "Thierry F." a man recently revealed himself to be a professional welfare bum, bragging in his brand-new autobiography that he has lived very well off the French government for most of the last 24 years and that, even after his unemployment benefits expired, he found a second unemployment program to leech from. The latest one pays almost his entire monthly home loan, and provides free medical care plus a "Christmas bonus," leaving an equivalent of $214 per month for what the delighted Thierry calls his "leisure activities." (Good thing we don’t have anyone like that in the good ol’ US of A.)

     More on finding ways to beat the system (read until the end). A Dutch hospital is asking people to stop leaving their bodies to science because they have run out of room. The University Medical Center in Leiden says they will take no more bodies as they have nowhere to put them. They have space to store 100 corpses for use in anatomy classes - but currently have a backlog of at least 160 bodies. A survey by Radio Holland's World Service last year revealed at least 1,000 Dutch people had left their body to science in their will. Scientists say the increase is down to a combination of shifting attitudes toward science and ever-increasing burial costs (not necessarily in that order).

     I’ll drink to that! Ananova reported on a celebration that, well, lead to some problems for a couple of people (there’s a surprise – alcohol leading to problems…). A driving student lost her license three hours after passing her test after going out for a drink with her instructor to celebrate. Police in the Bulgarian capital Sofia pulled over Kristina Andreeva, 23, for erratic driving. A breath test revealed that both she and instructor Ivan Filin, 48, were three times over the limit. The woman said: "I had promised to buy him a drink if I got my license and we went to a cafe, had a couple of wines and then I offered to drive him home. I was so happy I just didn't think about the drink drive rules." Police said they had also stripped Filin of his driving license and his business license as a driving instructor for encouraging drink-driving. (Actually, I don’t drink any more… but I don’t drink any less either!)

     Time for another ridiculous lawsuit! 1995, Robert Lee Brock brought about a law suit for $5 million; trouble was that he brought it against himself!. He claimed that he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes which landed him in the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Virginia, serving a 23 year sentence for grand larceny and breaking and entering (the key words to me are “allowing himself.”) What could he possibly have to gain by suing himself? Since being in prison prevented him from having an income, he expected the state to pay. Unlike many other frivolous suits, this case was thrown out. Can you say “Personal responsibility?” I didn’t think so.

     Finally, some depressing but all-too-regular Bushisms with which to leave you. (1) "I'm the master of low expectations." (2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." (3) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." (4) "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed," spoken underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003. (5) "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001, and then  "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002. Sigh.

     Okay, I can’t leave off on a down note, so, an old joke to leave you smiling: President Bush is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Bush asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Republican puppies, Mr. President." Bush thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Laura what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Democratic puppies." The president looks puzzled and says, "Yesterday, you told me they were Republican puppies." The man smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!" (If you don’t like the joke, just change the names and the political parties… I just did).

     Hey, to all the mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day!

     Later.