Volume 12, Number 15, April 15, 2007

      (Before beginning this week’s offering, we are in the middle of April and a significant nor’easter (is that redundant?) looms on the horizon. There’s still no definitive call yet, but we are potentially bracing for quite the storm. That said, I am putting this together earlier than usual as there’s a good chance power may go out. This time of year, snow is heavy which means trees and wires come down. Winter won’t let go. I am tired of it, but as I have often said, I’ll take a New Hampshire winter any day over earthquakes, tornadoes, tsunamis, etc.)     

Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, justice. From London’s Daily Mail, Garri Holness, 39, is one of the Britons in the wrong place at the time of the 2005 subway bombings, and he suffered the loss of a leg, for which government programs remunerated him with more than 100,000 British pounds (about $190,000). That is more than 10 times the amount of government compensation (in 2005 pounds) received by each of the two teenage girls from a vicious 1985 gang rape that Holness was convicted of participating in (and for which he served seven years in prison).     

Next, from Madison, Wisconsin’s Capital Times, police said Milo G. Chamberlain's blood-alcohol content was .425, which experts said normally is achievable only by those either dead or in a coma, but he was picked up, quite conscious, allegedly causing trouble at a Marathon gas station, where he apparently got into a fight with a gas pump before being brought under control by a passersby. Police said Chamberlain answered each of their questions only by rattling off strings of numbers of no particular pattern.     

Finally, I know the RICO act (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations) allows police to impound cars and other property. Other countries have their own version. From Ananova, Bulgarian police have confiscated a horse after it was used to transport stolen wood. Police said the legislation is normally applied to vehicles used to commit a crime but argued at court that the one horsepower cart used by the perp also came under the same rules, and the court agreed. Saliev, meanwhile, has sent an open letter to Bulgaria's Agriculture Minister asking for his horse back. He wrote: "My wife was furious when I lost the horse, and has said she will leave me unless I get it back. I can't live without my wife, but she doesn't want me without the horse."    

A Dutch firm claims to have eliminated (no pun intended) the problem of dog poop by creating a dog food that leaves almost no waste. Developers Jos van der Linden and Nanette Waldorp say 90% of the food, called Energique, is absorbed into the dog's body. They claim remaining 10% comes out the other end as a smell-free dry pellet that can be picked up by hand in a tissue. According to research by the University of Utrecht, a dog will normally need to go three times a day, but with Energique it only needs to go once a week (gee, I wonder if there’s a human version). The pair is now selling Energique, which is totally meat based, as fast as they can, producing it at their pet food factory in Friesland. Regular dog food only consists of about 15% meat, chicken leftovers, cereal crops and water. Jos van der Linden said: "The food comes out as it came in, the problem is that a dog's bowel is not made for cereal crops." The whole secret behind the success of Energique is the simple approach that dogs, were they not pets, would only eat meat." The new product is being hailed as a major boost in the fight to cut down on the problem of dog mess on city streets. The only drawback is the price, Energique costs twice the price of regular dog food, but the company is getting orders from as far as the US, Canada and Israel.    

So, looking for a reason to celebrate? This week offers the following: (1) April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day (probably connected with tax returns). (2) April 16 is National Eggs Benedict Day. (3) April 17 is National Cheeseball Day (I’m really looking forward to that one!). (4) April 18 is International Jugglers Day. (5) April 19 is Garlic Day. (6) April 20 is Look Alike Day. (7) April 21 is Kindergarten Day. Party hearty, my friends.    

Some wonderful quotes from my friend Linda R. (1) “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers on his bus." (2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." (3) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." Jeff Foxworthy. (4)  "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." Bob Ettinger. (5) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh" Conan O'Brien. Bonus: "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan." A. Whitney Brown.      

A Berman’s Bits Classic (which means it’s good and may have appeared before – I don’t remember.) From New York’s Newsday: John Cave, 14, is deaf, but it doesn't stop him from going to public school. He even has a new specially trained assistance dog to help him, but the W. Tresper Clarke High School in Westbury, Long Island, N.Y., says the boy "doesn't need the dog" at school and, when the boy brought the dog anyway, school officials called the police. Responding officers refused to arrest the boy after confirming state law says public facilities cannot bar disabled people from having service dogs. Still, the principal refuses to let Cave bring the dog on school grounds if he has the dog with him, closing the door when he arrives.             Finally, a technology report from the Ottawa Citizen.. Paul Hellyer, 83, a former Canadian defense minister, is calling for technology to solve the world's ills. "Climate change is the number-one problem facing the world today," Hellyer says, and "We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know." Er, about what? Alien technology, he says. Surely governments have picked up various technologies from crashed UFOs, and they "could be away to save our planet." (My solution is to start by getting rid of the politicians!)     

Later.